Perhaps You Didn't Notice

 

I feel like I am myself again,

but really, what does that mean?

Aren’t we all ourselves,  all of the time?

So I should say “I’m back to my usual 

state of normalcy.”  I’m back to being me.

For a little while I was in a different place

a darker space,  somewhere inside a well

no rope ladder, each day the same

not good or bad; they just were.

Anxiety ruled: the overwhelming

sense of being alone.  How could I

start again? How would I survive?

So I parodied all the right motions

doing the things that must be done

all the routine and mundane

I guess that’s called “survival mode.”

I can almost put my finger on the exact moment

when the skies cleared, the fog disappeared.

No, I do not dwell in the dark places, the

empty spaces, but for a time I was a guest there.

Sometimes we get lost for awhile, inside the

loss that we carry. We talk the talk and 

walk the walk, and paint ourselves into a better place

knowing that we aren’t there yet; wondering

if we ever will be. Oh, I have seen this place before,

this empty well without a rope. Life chews us up

and spits us out,  and we can either sink or swim 

But to stay afloat, now that’s the challenge isn’t it? 

Perhaps you didn’t notice I was gone—so practiced 

in the art of the façade. And while I can’t explain just 

where I’ve been, I’m happy just to be myself again.

 

© Ginny Brannan 2023

My tipping point came in February, where I no longer felt that I was just "functioning" but was actually happy and excited about doing things again, about life again. Don't feel bad if you didn't notice. It means I did a good job covering. Some things are too personal to share until they're over. See that picture in the upper left corner of this blog? That was February.