Sunday, April 3, 2011

Entombed (Villanelle)


Sharing at d'Verse Poets Pub Form for All: the art of the Villanelle...
I have written a few since, this is my very first.






A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme: aba aba aba aba aba abaa. The first and third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last 2 lines).



Captive thoughts in darkness loom
trying to escape their cell...
feelings of impending doom

Caught up in this little room
screaming out from inner hell,
captive; thoughts in darkness loom.

Day on day spent in this gloom,
cannot voice…the words don’t tell…
feelings of impending doom.

All emotions held entomb,
only sadness in this ‘well.’
Captive thoughts in darkness loom...

How this illness can consume...
walls surround and start to swell;
feelings of impending doom

Wish my life could just resume,
stuck inside this empty shell.
Captive thoughts in darkness loom;
feelings of impending doom


Copyright  Ginny Brannan August 2010
Image: Christinas Home Remedies.com



18 comments:

  1. nice refrain lines Ginny, and the last stanza really pulls this poignant piece together. I really enjoyed reading your villanelle, xC.

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    1. Thanks Christi! I believe this is one of the first I shared a FEPC too, and I have many there to thank for guiding me through the formatting!

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  2. I enjoyed both versions. I picture a person in bed, not feeling well, in a dark room. Probably feverish and thinking of 'impending doom.'

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    1. It was actually inspired (if that is the appropriate thing to say) by someone I know who is bipolar and has suffered with depression.

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  3. this is a deeply felt piece ginny...sickness, no matter if physical or emotional can rob us everything..entombed..life feeling like an empty shell...felt...and i think you did a great job on the form as well

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    1. Thank you Claudia. I appreciate your thoughts on this very much.

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  4. whew...lots of emotion in this one ginny....wishing your life would resume has a familiar ache to it...oh how those thoughts will run rampant even when we try to keep them in that cell..makes me wonder on the illness as well...

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    1. Brian, I think many can relate to parts of this, being stuck in a rut, wishing life could move on again. I empathize with the pain that someone with this illness goes through. We must keep that in mind, especially with shorter, darker days of winter coming, as that affects many with bipolar disorder quite profoundly.

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  5. Excellent use of form. I loved both reads. Pain, illness, struggle, agony, depression, all can be trial. This piece had a very true and real voice and I could feel the emotion of your intent. Excellente.

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    1. Thank you Henry. Am so glad the emotions and intent came through.

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  6. You've created a very strong feeling of being buried alive.. the villanelle amplifies that clearly with the refrain lines and turns in on itself to echo the theme. I remember this one and nice to read your work again :)

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    1. Thanks Becky! Am pleased you remembered it from more than two years ago!

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  7. Very moving use of the form. Well done.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!

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  8. Image and emotion caught and amplified well by the f orm

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  9. I like the second more. They are both effective, but I've found working with the form usually yields surprises that give the poem more depth as yours did here. The villanelle form is interesting in its many uses, the repetition deepening the exploration and meaning of the poem. This worked very well and became very successful!

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  10. The feeling of entrapment in one's self is strong in this one, so you know you have succeeded in conveying the emotional content. Both versions sing, but I, too, prefer the second; it's amazing what structure can do to how one expresses ideas - more often than not you end up with lines that are more unique and memorable.

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  11. ..this form allows us to narrow our emotional responses to what would most fit...the prompt given guides us to better write the villanelles...hate those feelings of impending doom!

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Thank you for reading my poetry and sharing your thoughts.